omega 3 update

Well, it's been another month, and I have to say that the only significant change so far still is an improvement in Kate's sleep. She is sleeping through the night most nights now, and therefore sleeping in her own room a lot more often too. Unfortunately I am not seeing any real differences in her other behaviors, such as her temper outbursts, her crying jags, and her aggression towards others. She is still up and down as always. But I will continue to keep her on them, I figure it can't hurt and maybe over some more time it still may help. I'm on them too, and I have definitely slept better since starting them, and possibly am more calm, less moody?? than before. :) My husband would probably beg to differ.

omega 3

I've decided to try something new. After a friend mentioned that she was giving her daughter a regular dose of omega 3 supplements to balance her moods, I decided to check it out and did some reading up on the subject. Since it would appear that we all need to add more omega 3s to our diet to balance out the excess of omega 6s, and much of the literature did indeed state that they had been shown to improve mood imbalances, sleep issues, upper respiratory congestion and skin problems, I went out and bought some flax seed, some fish oil supplements, and a whole whack of seafood. I've been grinding the flax seed and adding it to both Kate's and my yogurt concoction that we both like in the mornings, and to any sauces etc that I make for dinners, plus we've been eating fish for most of our meals now instead of only once or twice a week.
While it's only been a couple weeks, I have noticed that I am sleeping better, quite a bit better actually. Which may in part be because Kate seems to be sleeping much better. As for the moods, well, the jury is definitely still out on that one. I'll have to give it more time. But regardless I do intend to try to keep up the omega 3s with everyone, since they are supposed to help with brain functions - smart food, right? If nothing else we might end up being super intelligent angry people.

Free to a good home

This morning I actually put this in my status on Facebook...

Free! to a good home: One female, almost 8 years old, big brown eyes, likes to sleep in your bed with you at night, loves lots of attention, would do well in a home without other children or animals, or basically anything that might detract from one nanosecond of your time away from her, reply to momslosthermind@Ineedadrinknow.com

After struggling with Kate all morning, doing my damnest to keep her on an even keel, letting her eat the last waffles, giving her my perfect egg that I just cooked for myself, helping her "find" the socks that she had hidden in Elizabeth's dresser, I finally lost it when she freaked out on me while I was trying to brush her hair before putting it in a ponytail. I just couldn't take it any more. So I told her that was it, I was done with her bad attitude, her lack of respect for me and the rest of the family, and the rude way that she constantly speaks to us. I told her until she changes her ways, she will have to fend for herself, because I am tired of her wasting my time and energy. Then I proceeded to finish getting myself ready to leave for school, got my coffee in my go cup and told everyone to head out. Meanwhile Kate was running around in her socks screaming at me to put a ponytail in her hair still. I ignored her and left, scraped the ice off the car windows, closed the doors and drove off down the driveway, leaving her shrieking at me to help her put her shoes on in the open doorway of the basement. Of course, I didn't actually continue to drive, much as I wanted to; I put the van in park, walked back and discovered the door shut and locked. Eventually she opened it back up, and I picked up her backpack, her coat and her shoes under one arm, and picked up her under the other and hauled the whole lot back down the driveway to the van, and chucked her and her gear inside. The whole way to school she shouted at me to give her her shoes, which were on the floor in the front. Once at the school I got out, unloaded the other kids and their stuff and said goodbye and then waited stoically for Kate to emerge from the vehicle. Which she did with shoes and coat on, just as her class was filing inside, joining the end of the line, throwing black looks at me over her shoulder. I'm sure she expected me to follow her in, attempt to hug her or something, but I resisted and maintained my mean mommy demeanor and got back in my van and drove home. Where I posted my "ad" on Facebook, poured myself another cup of coffee and went for a walk outside with the dog, breathing deeply and willing myself not to have a coronary over a 7 year old's power struggle. 


If the addage "that which doesn't break you makes you stronger" is really true, I must be fucking superwoman by now.

Parenting through Neglect

Parenting through neglect. The title says it all. It has truly become the mainstay of my parenting style. I honestly believe that by encouraging my children to entertain themselves within the relatively safe environment of my home, that they are well on their way to becoming independent, imaginative and resourceful people. Yes, sometimes - okay, most of the time - the basement aka the kid zone looks like a bomb literally went off in it, what with the bins full of crayons, markers, papers, ribbons and many other various items with potential for creative transformation, cut up bits of paper on the floor, glue and glitter all over the table and hearth. But I figure it's worth it when I get invited downstairs to the pizza shop they have created for example, complete with take out boxes. Or when I have to help settle a labour dispute caused by Kate firing her sister Emily from the pizza shop, who then went out on her own and opened up a TV shop, and then lured away Kate's employee Jada to go and work for her. Again, I played the role of mediator rather than dictator, allowing each party to air their grievances - Em and Jada were willing to come back to work at the pizza shop if Kate would allow to take their coffee breaks together. This apparently was a sore point for Kate, who was against it as she said the other two would take their coffee break and leave her having to sell the pizza alone, which she didn't like. When they all looked at me I just threw it back to them and asked, well, so what are you going to do about this? and eventually they sorted out the breaks etc and all went back downstairs to sell pizzas and TVs together. How can this not be an invaluable education that will have them well prepared for the real world? And all the while I can just stay upstairs and do whatever I damn well please. Well, pretty much. If cooking dinner, folding laundry and doing the dishes counts. My point is that I COULD just go read a book, dance around the kitchen, or watch Sex and the City re-runs if I wanted to. Because my children are busy ENTERTAINING THEMSELVES. And even better, they aren't even watching TV, or playing video games.I know some would argue that they should be spending more time involved in girl guides and art lessons in addition to the sports that they each already play. But somehow I think we all find it so much more enjoyable to spend that time in more of a free form way, rather than adding on to our already busy scheduled trips to soccer, basketball and curling practices and games. So when my 9 year old calls out from her bedroom "hey mom! how do spell time travel?" I say, how do YOU think you spell it. And when she calls out a moment later, "hey mom, how do you spell machine, with a c or an s?" I say it again, and then smile, wondering when I am going to be called in to go for a trip to another dimension. Now THAT'S the kind of trip I'm up for.

back to square one

I am sad to say that we seem to have had a bit of a set back with Kate. She was doing really well when school first started, sleeping in her bed at night instead of on a mattress on the floor beside my bed, getting through her mornings without melting down, and most of her evenings too. However, slowly but surely we seem to be back where we started again. Evenings have been particularly frustrating for us, we have had no  down time at all in the evening without Kate, and she has been throwing big tantrums every night before bed, that last well into the rest of the evening before she finally exhausts herself and falls asleep, usually beside me on the couch. Mornings have been not much better, stressing about what she is wearing, what she wants to eat, and taking out anger on her sisters and me. I am trying to figure out if we have stopped doing something right, or if this is all in response to something else that is going on with her that I haven't picked up on yet. Today she did pretty well in the morning, she got up and waited for both the daycare girls to come and then got on with her morning without too much hoopla. I will have to try changing up her evenings in some way, maybe having her take a bath every night right after supper or something, to break up the pattern she is in right now. Something is wrong, but I havent' been able to put my finger on it yet. I did have a talk with the other girls this week, just to let them know that I'm aware how hard it is for them at times too, and that I'm trying to figure out what's wrong, so I can help Kate cope with her emotions better. They are so good. Anyway, I knew it wasn't something that was going to magically just go away, that it would take time and I just have to stay positive and continue working with her to improve her coping skills.

go blow your nose

So this has been happening for a while, but I guess the with the novelty of Jessica ever so slightly wearing off Kate has been having more temper tantrums again lately. It definitely still helps hugely most mornings, but there have been more of the good old bad old days creeping back in. The evenings generally are still the worst, once all the other kids are gone for the day. Sigh. She is still finding her way up to our room at night most nights at some point again too. Which is a shame since she just got a new mattress and duvet from her grandparents, and then by her request we switched her to the bottom bunk - which makes all kind of sense to me and where she should have been all along. Not that it seems to have made much difference as far as her coming up in the night, but at least it's much easier for me to lie down with her for a few minutes at bed time if need be. But all this aside, the most troubling thing she has been doing for the past few months is this nose blowing habit she has developed. I'm not sure how it started, other than she probably had a bit of a runny nose at some point around the end of the summer and when she was upset found herself needing to blow her nose more often. Anyway, now it has become a nervous habit. She goes through rolls and rolls of toilet paper - I can't keep Kleenex in the house for any time at all - blowing and blowing every time she is weepy or angry about something. And then she throws it all over the bathroom or her bedroom, regardless of how often she is told not to. Part of the nose blowing ritual? She can't seem to throw it away. Last night up she came for some reason in the middle of night, and proceeded to blow her nose over and over again. Which is awful on many levels. The simplest is just that it's damn noisy and I can't get back to sleep. And it's damn annoying, I can feel my temper starting to boil as the blowing goes on and on. Add to that my frustration and worry over why the hell she is doing this in the first place. It has been a compulsion for her, and that's freaky. Throw in my husbands frustration, worry and desperate need to sleep due to the fact that his back is out at the moment, and you have a room full of people on the edge.

Anyway, eventually we all got back to sleep - Kate and Mike within minutes, me within hours, boooo - and today is another day. I am anticipating an issue after school, or maybe even before if she remembers in time - I'm referring to the fact that Kate has basketball Tuesdays after school, and has fussed about going the last 2 weeks. Once she's there she seems fine, and fine afterwards too, so I have chalked it up to simple anxiety. At least she isn't blowing her nose in the gym so far. Mike once again demanded I make an appointment for her to see the doctor again, which I privately think is futile. Your child has to have some pretty major issues before the medical guys take you seriously. I am pretty sure we will go thru the long process of waiting to see the specialist pediatrician once again, only to be told that yes, she gets worried, and yes the nose blowing is a compulsion and a play for attention, and that it will all pass if we ignore it.

So I tell myself to suck it up and carry on, and hope that she does get over this nose blowing thing before she does some kind of actual damage to her nasal passages. Maybe I need to ban her from all tissue and supply her with handkerchiefs to at least cut down on her massive carbon footprint and environmental waste?

Fall back

Well, one month into a new school year and counting. Feels like fall, getting cool, wet, windy, lots of leaves in the gutter. Had the fireplace lit last night. Kate had a "relapse" morning yesterday, for lack of a better term. Apparently she had been told by her teacher and the school librarian that she had not returned a certain book to the library, and would not be allowed to borrow any more books until said book was returned. However, Kate was quite certain that she had never borrowed the book in question in the first place. In typical Kate fashion, she did not relay this to me calmly, but rather let it stew inside her until she came to me with the story, bursting into tears as she told me about it. I managed to soothe her by assuring her I would personally talk to both her teacher and the librarian and sort it all out. Now, she first told me of all this on Friday. The Thanksgiving long weekend followed, and she didn't mention it once during that time. But then Tuesday morning rolled around. She might have coped alright, except that unfortunately we were not expecting any of my daycare kids that day, in particular her touchstone J. And so she could hold it together no longer, out poured all her fears and tears, and she spent the entire morning before school in a state of total hysteria. Of course it all worked out in the end, I spoke with the teachers, the librarian hunted around and lo and behold located the book on the shelves where it belonged, and she had a conversation with Kate about what had happened. But before all that we - meaning myself and her sisters - had to endure a morning of high emotional distress, not to mention the state that Kate got herself into. Sure, she doesn't lose it maybe as often as she did this time last year. But when she does it is so hard for her to pull it back together again. Not to mention the fact that now when it happens I have noticed that her body odor becomes very strong, not usual for the average 7 year old, but I guess to be expected from one who is going through extreme duress. Once she had finally calmed down slightly yesterday morning I checked her to see if I could smell any trace of B.O., and sure enough there it was. Obviously the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel bad again, so without a word I fetched my deodorant - an all natural brand - from upstairs and showed it to her. She nodded, lifted her shirt and let me apply some to her underarms. Guess this was one case where having an open bathroom door policy helped me out - she has seen me use deodorant daily on myself, and knows what it's for.
Anyway, we survived another emotionally disastrous morning, and today J arrived bright and early, and everything was smooth sailing. I find myself depending heavily on the presence of a 9 year old to get us through our days - perhaps I could clone her so I will never have to be without her?