time out

Although I haven't written often this summer, this week I find myself looking at my blog from a slightly different angle. I know that usually I write of the more humorous moments of my mothering experiences, but now and then something happens to remind me that there is another side to it all. Today I am thinking about another mother of three daughters who I know. She is actually my sister in law's mother, and I sometimes call her my "other" mother in law, as we have gotten to know each other fairly well over the past few years. Anyway, something happened this week, something that I am finding has wrenched at part of me somewhere deep inside, and I think it's because I am looking at this something from a mother's perspective. I find myself being constantly confronted throughout my day by it, in my routine dealings with my daughters, and it literally makes me catch at my breath for a moment as a wave of what I can only describe as sorrow washes over me. What happened was that my other mother in law's oldest daughter died on Tuesday, after losing an amazingly courageous battle with cancer.  And while I knew her daughter, and have been great friends with my sister in law for many years now, what strikes at me the hardest is how my other mother in law's life is forever changed because of what she has lost. I keep thinking of things like Mother's Day, how it will never be the same for her again, that it will always be tinged with some sorrow, no matter how happy and grateful she might be for her remaining two daughters. I guess that is part of life, learning how to live with that and carry on, but what a hole it must leave in your heart.
I am not one of those people who believe that "everything happens for a reason". I don't believe that at all. What purpose does taking a wonderful loving person away from her life serve? None that I can see. I do believe in free will, and making conscious choices to cope with the curve balls that life throws at you. That being said, I find myself holding my girls a little tighter this week, and counting my blessings a little more carefully. I suppose the only good thing I can take away from this tragedy is that it does give one pause; it nudges at me to stop and smell the roses, spend some extra time just enjoying my girls. I'm just sorry that it sometimes takes something terrible to remind us of something good.