odd man out

Why oh why can't they all just get along? Why does there always have to be an odd man out? It's so survival of the fittest - don't show any signs of weakness or you're a goner. My spidey senses have been on high alert for a few weeks now - Kate won't sleep in her room again being the glaring sign that something is wrong. Then other signs, like comments about how she hopes it will rain so they can stay inside at lunchtime. When I ask about that, Kate just says that it's more fun to stay inside with the teacher. Hmmm. And then the weekly battle with her cousin continues. And then yesterday she showed up in the office at lunch recess to say she had a stomach ache, and was lying down when I arrived. And when I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn't talk to me. No words at all. A nod of the head or a shake was all I could get out of her. Back at home I coaxed more out of her - and it seems that she spends most outdoor recesses alone, because whenever she tries to play with someone, another child comes along and scoops up her friend, leaving her alone. She gave me specific examples, how one child in a grade above her called her stupid and took off with the girl she had asked to play with, how another child won't let her sit beside another girl in class, and worst of all, that something had occurred between her and her sister Emily and her cousin. But she wouldn't tell me exactly what. So after school when I had my girls plus my nieces I kept an eye on things, and sure enough, witnessed Kate being shut down by one of my nieces. So I had to have a conversation about how we speak to each other, and how we treat each other, and how we never leave someone out especially if they've asked to join a game. I was talking in generalities, not pointing a finger at anyone at all, but suddenly my niece burst out that she had said "no" to playing with Kate at school that day because she didn't feel like playing with her when she asked, and that's why they had run away from her. I asked who was "they" and she and Emily looked at each other, and Emily said "me". So then I had the that's not acceptable conversation, and the I'm disappointed in you guys conversation, and the how would you feel conversation. Again trying to direct it to the room, not only to the two girls.
Anyway, apologies were given without my having to suggest it, and accepted, and the dust settled for the time being. This is really hard though. I mean, bad enough when you realize that one of your kids is having trouble with other kids, trouble making friends etc, but far worse when her own family is involved. Not to mention much trickier for me to deal with. Don't want to hurt feelings, or point fingers or anything.
Had another chat with just my girls this morning on the subject of family and sisters and sticking together when they're out in the world, not letting anyone hurt one of their sisters, not ever taking sides against a sister. Oh the irony. I hear the words coming out of my mouth and can't help but think of my own sister and I, and what a mess our own sibling relationship is. However, all I can do is attempt to do better with my girls, teach them to do better with each other.
Anyway, got through the morning, got them to school, and had a few minutes with their teacher to bring her up to speed on the dynamic between the kids at the moment. And headed home, crossing my fingers that today is a better day, and trying to figure out what I am going to do with all five girls again after school today - because it's early dismissal, which tacks on an extra hour for mayhem to ensue. Whatever I come up with it will involve keeping them so busy they won't have time to get into any monkey business, at least not today, not on my watch!